Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
