You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
