What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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