I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
