I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
