hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize