This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
