I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
