honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize