Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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