but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize