"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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