i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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