i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
