Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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