Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
