I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
