I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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