Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
