i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize