I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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