Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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