i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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