ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
