woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
