I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
