So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
