Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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