I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
