Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
