That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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