sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
