If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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