They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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