sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
