Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
