yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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