She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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