Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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