I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You left your underwear on the fireplace
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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