it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
