Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you would pick up someone in the library
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
