bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
