Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
