Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
