he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize