i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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