at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
