Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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