I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
