Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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