this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
