I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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