Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
