Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
