So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Semen is not good for contacts.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
