i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
