im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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