Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
