Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
