I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
