Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
