with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
