If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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