Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
