Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
