i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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