I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
