I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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