do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just found a bag of teeth...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
