Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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