Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
