If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
