Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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