dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think my moral compass just broke
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