i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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