She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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