lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
