You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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