Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
