i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it because I queefed?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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