cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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