i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
