My room smells like vodka and shame
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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