bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
