My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
