I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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