She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
