i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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