Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
