and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
