1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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