Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize