I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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