She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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