So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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