If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize