If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
