nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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