You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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