my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
