At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
